I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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