I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
