no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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