Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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