am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I believe in your delicious
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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