My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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