last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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