There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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