I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize