I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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