Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Enjoy the penises
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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