I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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