This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
