wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
