I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Farmville is her only friend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
