I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
