Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
