There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
