walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
