all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
