i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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