We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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