Only a mothe r could love this liver
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
