Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
