There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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