it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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