4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
