Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
