If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
