i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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