I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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