you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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