i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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