i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
