you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
