So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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