Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
