i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
