I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
