i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
