R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
