My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
