To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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