Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
