This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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