I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize