I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
