You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
