We're facebook friends in real life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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