Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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