Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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