Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
