At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize