The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
