I think I won the penis lottery.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
