i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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