No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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