After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
