im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
