I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
