During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Farmville is her only friend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
