I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize