I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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