please come you make the beer taste better
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it because I queefed?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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