then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize