When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
