I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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