there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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