we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize