I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
