Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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