i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
