If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Mom said you looked used
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
