I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
