My first STD was from a foam party
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
