I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
