I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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