What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i drank out of a bidet.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
