i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
