We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
