If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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