First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
