I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
