don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
