Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize