There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
